Felicity American
The need to belong
Every child born into this world, the assurance that he belongs to a family who wants and loves him or her. It is believed that during the first year of life the need to belong is very dominant. God has intended that the role of parents to provide this need to belong and feel loved games. If for any reason our parents minister the need to belong, as we mature, some social and behavioral problems begin to manifest in our lives. This backlog can lead to a number of "cracks" to start the base of our existence.
A child whose basic need to belong is not good will, more often not satisfied with the development of anxiety and sometimes even an inability to trust – even God.
Unfortunately, many children who grew up in orphanages have a problem with trust. Those who have lived in an orphanage after the age of five years old are particularly sensitive to this issue. It is not hard to see why it's best for children be approved when they are as young as possible, so early in their lives they begin to make the kind of love and acceptance that ultimately promotes experience a sense of belonging. Many foster parents of older children say it's a tough battle for their kids to trust them those names in their home because they really loved them. The children are unnecessarily suspicious of acts of kindness and sometimes unconsciously waiting for the duration of the stay and they are to be taken back to the orphanage. This is especially true for children in different houses.
I remember coaching Felicity (not her real name), a young Christian girl who was a missionary family in a West African country where we lived at the time. Although she had the sweetest and most patient parents that I had ever met, Felicity struggled with a hot temper and was very moody. Whereas most children came to see me as the school counselor had recommended to me, either by their parents or a teacher, Felicity came to see me on her own. "I tried to figure out who my biological mother. "This statement surprised me at the moment because her foster parents had everything you would think that a child could want in a parent. When I saw her asked why she was trying to connect with her biological mother, she told me she wanted to know the whole reason why her mother gave her away. "I spoke to mom about this and she told me she would help me locate her, as it was important to me. "" Is it important to you? "I asked her. Felicity looked away angrily and told me that if her mother had been trying hard enough she would have been able to keep her.
Apparently Felicity's mother had another child outside of marriage, before she was pregnant with Felicity. She had kept the older child, but gave the baby up for adoption. "How come they do not give my older sister for adoption?" Of course I have no answer , that was and I would not speculate. "Which is why your mother gave you?" "She keeps saying that my biological mother loved me and knew she could not be able to give me the life I deserved and so it was my one good thing that they gave me. She says the adoption agency told her that the biological mother of the child had emphasized she wanted her baby by a good Christian family. "" How far is your mother went to find your biological mother? "I asked Felicity, wondering why it was important for her to connect with someone they had never seen or had a relationship with. "Mama is in contact with the agency I was adopted and they look at the records. They said they will back us. "" That's wonderful, I hope you get to know your biological mother. "Although I said to Felicity, I knew that finally her mother and sister know, either great or disappointing.
Relationships are cultivated and the foundations are built, brick by brick. What I do not fully realize at the time Felicity's questions was "Who am I and what am I worth?" has not been answered for her. She still did not feel a sense of belonging. I'm sure that this would have destroyed her wonderful foster parents if they knew.
Felicity burst into my office two weeks later. She had a smile from ear to ear and she wore a letter in her hands. "I received a letter from my biological mother and she sent me pictures of her and my sister!" She gave me the letter and read my original fears were removed. I saw a picture of a beautiful African-American woman with another equally beautiful young lady sitting beside her. The letter biological Felicity's mother called her "honey" and "sweetheart" and told her how happy she was in touch with her "little girl" again. Tears came to my eyes when she told how she Felicity would never have given away as she had another option. She said she was glad she had parents who were great. I took the risk and Felicity asked, "So would you like to live with your biological mother? "" No, I love my mother. I want to stay with her. "I do not know if Felicity finally met her mother, but this story highlights more, the strong need to belong is!
When the Bible gives an account of a person, we are told, either their father the name of their mother's name or where they came from. When we meet the prophet Jeremiah in the Book of Jeremiah we are told that he was the son of Hilkiah, one of the priests in the territory of Anathoth Benjamin. But what does Jeremiah as feeling loved, wanted and planned for when God tells him, "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you before you were born I separate put you: I appointed you as a prophet to the nations "- Jeremiah 1:5. Talking about having a sense of togetherness!
I listened to a pastor in a church, recently shared with the congregation how his mother told him she never wanted him. He was an accident, and she was very disappointed when she was pregnant by him, although she was a married woman and had two other children. She had thought that by giving birth when he passed!
He was a rebellious child and had many behavioral problems, which he ultimately landed in jail at the age of sixteen years. His testimony is that when he finally understood how much God loved him and how he was not an accident in God's plans are life turned around. God had planned all along that he was born and pastor of a church of more than five thousand people!
At the end of the day, when all is said and done, there is nobody on this earth who will ever grow up with a one hundred percent sense of belonging and being loved and accepted. That's because we do not live in a perfect world, and there is no perfect parent, it is not yet born. Because the parents are not educated in perfect families, they themselves are not perfect parents. So everyone was raised with a certain degree of deprivation – Some more than others.
The only person that can lead to a human being into a one hundred percent feel loved and accepted Jesus Christ who died for us to cross of Calvary for love of the Father for us. "Greater love has no man than this, that he gave his life for his friends' -.. John 15:13 the only perfect love a parent, a child to God their child by keeping them as God fills us with His love, only then can we love our children in a way that gives them a sense of belonging. For those people who were brought up in an environment where they do not feel they belonged, God is able to transform their lives through a personal knowledge of His Son Jesus Christ. "For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life" – John 3:16.
About the Author
Nellie Shani is a Conference speaker and Counselor who has lived in Kenya, Zambia, Mauritania, Senegal and United States. Her first book, “Stand Your Ground” is available on Amazon.com and her author’s website: http://www.strategicpublishinggroup.com/title/StandYourGround.html,
http://ebooks.faithwriters.com/category-list.php?cat=8
2 dresses which I should get one for Felicity American Girl Doll?
im really stuck …. =
I love her tea gown lesson (I think it's yellow) and Elizabeth holiday dress! The colors are so beautiful: D
Felicity: An American Girl (2005) 1 of 9
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