Loving Family
Step Families – The Trouble With expectations
Step families have their own version of a "happily ever after" myth – generally there is an expectation that the remarriage will heal the family from the trauma of divorce. My son was nine, and my husband's daughter was six when we married, in my mind we were creating perfect for a family of four, just as I had always wanted. It was a great expectation, but a totally unrealistic.
Within one month, my husband and I were together in the kitchen during the turmoil-filled evenings, ask each other "What have we gotten ourselves into?" Our children did their best to play us against each other, and we were buying from right in the "my child to your child" trick. Our perfect family of four was falling fast!
Another expectation is the idea that "you love me holds, so you'll love my child (ren). Again, we have high hopes of creating a loving family, expecting that the stepparent just picking up the role of the parent, and that the children will accept the stepmother or stepfather in that role. Unfortunately, the biological relationship we have with our own child does not automatically transferred to an independent child just because they happen to live under the same roof and to be strongly connected to the person we have promised to live our lives. A loving band can and often does, but for the case of a stepfamily, that band is best built slowly and carefully, it is assumed.
In our case, both situations improved over time, but much heartache could be avoided if we had not made assumptions that we came into a lot of problems. My husband and I learned the value of couple strength, and began to make arrangements so that we a front to our children, over time, we stopped sides and they keep trying to pull us apart. (They even have reasons for to do that are very valid from their point – but that will be covered in another article). And by providing the "acts of love" that are part of the Stepmother role and learn to appreciate its unique qualities, I found that my love for my stepdaughter grew.
One of the reasons for the bad statistics for stepfamilies is the unrealistic expectations we take in our second marriage. Unrealistic expectations can wreak havoc on a new, fragile family. The rules of living in a merged family contrary to the rules of an intact family. In our society, is given little preparation for understanding the dynamics of stepfamilies. Training is required by almost 100% of new stepfamilies, but less than 5% get the help they need. The dynamics are predictable and well studied, but generally not understood.
It is often a shock dating when the process ends (everything was going so well!) And everybody moves under the same roof as a family. Suddenly, a whole new paradigm in place, and we would find itself on shaky ground. If you feel that things are not as smooth as you expect them to be, you probably had some unrealistic expectations. Get some coaching or training can help you get a more realistic approach to your stepfamily that works better to develop – an excellent source www.stepfamilysolutions.com.
About the Author
Joan Sarin, M.S, a social psychologist is a certified Stepfamily Coach trained by the Stepfamily Foundation in New York. She is a hardworking stepmom developing a happy family, and help stepfamilies attain harmony. As a coach of Stepfamily Solutions, she offers teleseminars, and individual coaching to help non-traditional family structures. Go to www.stepfamilysolutions.com for more information.
do your loving family is more important than health in order to ensure happiness in life?
which one is more important? do you have some points reasons.I I appreciate your assignment.i opinion.thanks!
Personally, my family, when everyone is happy and healthy all of my husband for my daughter, our kitty to our fish and for me, I'm happy. Both go together. Without one, you can not versa the other, and visa.
Kim Myung-Min – Happy moment with his loving family
|
|
#60 Fisher Prices Loving Family Sweet Streets Hotel $180.00 |
|
|
Loving Family Sweet Sounds Dollhouse Fisher Price Lot doll baby furnitur mansion $165.00 |
|
|
Loving Family Sweet Sounds Dollhouse SUV car Fisher Price Lot doll mansion house $165.00 |
|
|
Mattel The Heart Family LOVING HOME #9691 MIB, 1984 $80.00 |
|
|
Fisher-Price Loving Family Beach Vacation Mobile Home $87.14 |
|
|
LOT FISHER PRICE TWIN DOLLHOUSE GRAND LOVING FAMILY CAMPING TENT ATV FUN SET DOG $55.90 |
|
|
Fisher Price Loving Family Family Manor New Doll Accessories Dolls Games Toys $55.26 |
|
|
FISHER PRICE LOT DOLLHOUSE PEOPLE LOVING FAMILY DAD SISTER MOM BOY GIRL GRAND FR $39.90 |
|
|
FISHER PRICE DOLLHOUSE FURNITURE LOVING FAMILY EVERYTHING FOR BABY STROLLER HIGH $39.00 |
|
|
LOT FISHER PRICE TWIN DOLLHOUSE GRAND LOVING FAMILY MINIVAN CAR VAN DOG BAG FRE $36.90 |
|
|
FISHER PRICE DOLLHOUSE GRAND LOVING FAMILY SUMMER FUN HORSE GIRL FISHING KAYAK++ $36.90 |
|
|
FISHER PRICE TWIN DOLLHOUSE FURNITURE LOVING FAMILY ROOM TV FIREPLACE SOFA FREE $36.00 |
|
|
LOT FISHER PRICE TWIN DOLLHOUSE GRAND LOVING FAMILY LIVING ROOM DOG PUPPY FREE++ $35.90 |
|
|
FISHER PRICE DOLLHOUSE TWIN LOVING FAMILY CAMPING TENT GIRL CAMPFIRE DOG LANTER $35.90 |
|
|
FISHER PRICE DOLLHOUSE PEOPLE LOVING FAMILY BOY GIRL DAD MOM GRANDMOTHER BROTHER $34.90 |
|
|
NEW FISHER PRICE TWIN DOLLHOUSE FURNITURE GRAND LOVING FAMILY BATHROOM BATH FRE $34.90 |
|
|
NIB Fisher Price Loving Family Dollhouse Camping Cabin Play House With Dolls $36.99 |
|
|
Sweet Streets Post Office New in Box Fisher Price Loving Family dollhouse doll $49.50 |
|
|
FISHER PRICE TWIN DOLLHOUSE GRAND LOVING FAMILY CAMPING ATV FUN SET DOG GIRL FRE $34.90 |
|
|
FISHER PRICE DOLLHOUSE FURNITURE GRAND LOVING FAMILY KIDS BEDROOM VANITY BED NW $32.90 |
|
|
Loving Family doll house Original Grandparents~ $45.00 |
|
|
NEW FISHER PRICE TWIN DOLLHOUSE FURNITURE GRAND LOVING FAMILY LAUNDRY ROOM FRE $29.90 |
|
|
Fisher Price Loving Family Dollhouse Lot $21.99 |
|
|
Fisher Price Loving Family Family Room New Playsets Accessories Dolls Games Toys $43.94 |
|
|
FISHER PRICE DOLLHOUSE LOT BED CRIB MOM DAD BABY BEDROOM PARENTS LOVING FAMILY $27.90 |
|
|
FISHER PRICE DOLLHOUSE GRAND LOVING FAMILY DINING ROOM FOOD ACCESSORIES PLATES + $27.90 |
|
|
fisher price loving family camping cabin new in box $39.49 |
|
|
Fisher Price Loving Family Dollhouse Twin Time Dolls $39.28 |
|
|
Fisher Price LOVING FAMILY New Additions Dollhouse Handle People TEEN Mod Room $29.95 |
|
|
Fisher Price LOVING FAMILY New Additions Dollhouse Handle Baby BATH Furniture $29.95 |
|
|
Fisher Price LOVING FAMILY New Additions Dollhouse Room Handle People Furniture $29.95 |
|
|
Fisher Price LOVING FAMILY New Additions Dollhouse Carrying Strap Baby Nursery $29.95 |
|
|
FISHER PRICE LOVING FAMILY DOLL AFRICAN AA MOM GIRL + $29.99 |
|
|
FISHER PRICE LOVING FAMILY DINING ROOM FURNITURE DOLL HOUSE NEW IN BOX $25.02 |
|
|
Fisher PRice Doll Hose TV DVD Toilet Bed Vanity Mom Loving Family Lot Set $24.99 |
|
|
Fisher price loving family dollhouse furniture $24.99 |
|
|
Fisher Price Loving Family Red Convertible Car set with girl, dog, towel & bag $19.99 |
|
|
NEW Fisher Price Loving Family doll house Mom figure can hold her Baby Girl 1995 $28.00 |
|
|
Lot/8-Fisher Price–Loving Family Dollhouse Furniture-Deluxe Sitting Rm-Dog/Puppy $17.00 |
|
|
Mattel 2006 LOVING FAMILY 5 People Father Mother Boy Girl Grandma $30.00 |
|
|
Fisher Price Loving Family Grand Dollhouse Kid’s Girl’s Bedroom $29.95 |
|
|
NEW~LOVING FAMILY Dolls TWINS Mom Dad Babies Lot of 4 $29.95 |
|
|
Lot/7- Fisher Price – Loving Family- Dollhouse Furniture-Deluxe Master Bed Room $15.00 |
|
|
FISHER PRICE LOVING FAMILY DOLLHOUSE NEW BORN NURSERY $19.99 |
|
|
FISHER PRICE HOME & STABLE HORSE WISPER LOVING FAMILY $19.99 |
|
|
FISHER PRICE CLASSIC DOLLHOUSE LOVING FAMILY PICNIC SET $19.99 |
|
|
Lot/4- Fisher Price – Loving Family – Deluxe Pet Center- Dog, Cat, Parrot $13.00 |
|
|
FISHER PRICE TALK AND TRAVEL VAN LOVING FAMILY AC .1999 $19.99 |
|
|
FISHER PRICE LOVING FAMILY DOLLHOUSE MUSICAL VANITY 99 $19.99 |
|
|
FISHER PRICE CLASSIC DOLLHOUSE LOVING FAMILY PJ SLEEP OVER PARTY SET RADIO PLANT $19.99 |
|
|
Lot/14-Fisher Price–Loving Family- Dollhouse Furniture- Large Miscellaneous Set $16.00 |
|
|
fisher price loving family kids bedroom retired $24.99 |
|
|
Fisher price loving family dollhouse babies $22.99 |
|
|
Fisher price loving family dollhouse chairs $21.99 |
|
|
53 Pc Barbie Doll Loving Family Kitchen Accessories , Food , chairs and table $12.97 |
|
|
NIB Fisher Price Loving Family Dollhouse 2-In-1 Seasonal Room $16.99 |
|
|
FISHER PRICE LOVING FAMILY DOLL HOUSE dogs pet dog lot $20.69 |
|
|
RETIRED Fisher Price LOVING FAMILY Double BED 2 CHAIRS $19.50 |
|
|
Lot/3- Fisher Price – Loving Family-Dollhouse Furniture-Deluxe Girl Pink Bedroom $11.00 |
|
|
Fishe Price loving Family baby & Crib $19.99 |
|
|
NEW LOVING FAMILY COOKING FUN – BARBIE SIZE MATTEL 1999 $17.99 |
|
|
1993 LOVING FAMILY FP FISHER PRICE TOY DOLL SET MOM DAUGHTER CHAIRS TABLE ETC $16.94 |
|
|
Fisher price loving family dollhouse baby… $19.99 |
|
|
FISHER PRICE LOVING FAMILY DOLL AFRICAN AA MOM boy set $19.99 |
|
|
Fisher Price Loving Family Grand Dollhouse Kitchen Table Chairs Booster Seats $22.95 |
|
|
Fisher Price Loving Family Grand Dollhouse Living Room $22.95 |
|
|
Fisher Price Loving Family Living Room $22.90 |
|
|
Fisher Price~Loving Family~Dollhouse Western Horse Riding Girl Figure~Sara $22.75 |
|
|
NIB Fisher Price Loving Family Dollhouse Outdoor BBQ Barbeque Set With Grill $14.99 |
|
|
Fisher Price Loving Family Bathroom $22.73 |
|
|
NEW~LOVING FAMILY Camping Fun Dolls Mom, Girl and Dog $18.95 |
|
|
Fisher price loving family dollhouse babies… $19.99 |
|
|
Lot/2-Fisher Price–Loving Family-Dollhouse Furniture-Deluxe Bathroom-Vanity -Tub $8.00 |
|
|
Fisher price loving family dollhouse people $18.99 |
|
|
Fisher price loving family dollhouse people $18.99 |
|
|
Fisher price loving family dollhouse people $18.99 |
|
|
Fisher price loving family dollhouse people $18.99 |
|
|
Fisher price loving family dollhouse people Kids $18.99 |
|
|
Fisher price loving family dollhouse people Kids $18.99 |
|
|
Fisher price loving family dollhouse chairs $18.99 |
|
|
Fisher price loving family dollhouse people $18.99 |
|
|
Fisher price loving family dollhouse people $18.99 |
|
|
NIB Fisher Price LOVING FAMILY NEW DAD DOLL w/ Wheel Barrel & Rake Brown Hair $14.99 |
|
|
NIB Fisher Price NEW LOVING FAMILY MOM DOLL Brown Hair w/ Groceries & Bag $14.99 |
|
|
Loving Family Furniture Lot~Kitchen~Bedroom~Bathroom~Office + More $10.50 |
|
|
Fisher price loving family dollhouse baby… $19.99 |
|
|
FISHER FRICE STABLE ASPEN GOLD HORSE RIDER & ACCESSORIES LOVING FAMILY (U8) $19.99 |
|
|
Fisher Price Loving Family Grand Dollhouse Parent’s Bedroom $19.95 |
|
|
FISHER PRICE LOVING FAMILY MOM AND BABY DOLL NEW IN BOX $14.07 |
|
|
FISHER PRICE LOVING FAMILY MATTEL DOLLHOUSE 2006 DAD & SISTER DOLL LOT (U43)) $18.99 |
|
|
FISHER PRICE DREAM DOLLHOUSE LOVING FAMILY POWDER ROOM $12.99 |
|
|
FISHER PRICE DREAM DOLLHOUSE LOVING FAMILY BALLET SET $12.99 |
|
|
Fisher price loving family dollhouse babies $14.99 |
|
|
Loving Family Twins Nursery Lot w/More~See My Other Loving Family Auctions $10.50 |
|
|
Fisher Price Loving Family Dollhouse Deluxe Pet Center with Many Extras $9.99 |
|
|
New Fisher Price Dollhouse Loving Family People Blue Baby Boy Dolls Figure $15.99 |
|
|
4 Fisher-Price 1995 Loving Family Dollhouse Dolls – Prince, Princess, Ballerina $15.99 |
|
|
Fisher Price Loving Family Size 5 Piece Dollhouse Bedding 4x 6″ Handmade $12.99 |
|
|
Fisher Price Loving Family Size 5 Piece Dollhouse Bedding 4x 6″ Handmade $12.99 |
|
|
Fisher Price Loving Family Dollhouse Size 5 Piece Bedding 4x 6″ Handmade $12.99 |
